Another hard post....

This is another very hard blog post.... Adam and I found out we were pregnant again at the beginning of June. I was very scared and unsure because it had only been a month from my D&C. I talked to my nurse about the possibility of it being old hormones that had not fully gone away yet. She said it was very unlikely it was left over hormones and that yes I was pregnant again. We really didn't tell too many people again just in case. I went to my ultrasound and just like both of my other pregnancies, I wasn't as far along as I thought I was because the baby was too small for a heartbeat. I did two HCG tests and a follow up ultrasound in a week and a half. I got my first HCG results and it came back as 17,000. I was stoked! I was so happy! My miscarriage ended at 1,800- Muuuuch better! I had only had a handful of migraines, no cramping, no bleeding- nothing. I finally told my parents after I got those results. I had to wait the whole weekend for my next HCG results. Monday comes so I call in. It only went from a 17K to 22K. Bad news- I was suppose to be in the 30's. I was crushed and confused- wasn't everything going great?? At my ultrasound there wasn't a baby. I had a an-embroyotic miscarriage where the baby dies early and gets reabsorbed but the sac still grows strong and emits tons of hormones. The sac was growing in accordance to me being 9 weeks but there wasn't a "yolk" there. My doctor said I could wait it out but it could take up to six weeks and then a D&C would be mandatory. I was having NO physical signs so I had no clue how long it would take. I wanted the D&C because I hate the waiting game. I did not have the mental strength to go through the hell I went through last time. My appointment was on Thursday and my D&C was scheduled for Tuesday. By Sunday night I was I so scared. I still had no physical proof that I had lost the baby. I still felt sick because the sac was still growing and increasing hormones. We had a friend come over and gave us both blessings and the blessing was amazing in two ways- It confirmed that I had chosen the right decision and that I required the D&C. The second thing was- hormones and dwelling on negative things create very bad results! I was becoming terrified that we weren't suppose to have anymore kids. My blessing let me know that we needed to wait but we would be blessed with more kids in the future. I tried to be as strong as possible when I went in for my procedure Tuesday at the butt crack of dawn. I talked with my nurse when I was checked in and told her all the problems of my last procedure with everyone being so insensitive. I wanted to be far from the door. No talks of babies by the nurses. Rocking chair far from me in the recovery room. I brought a book to distract me and I just did my best to see the good in things. This experience was much better. Adam didn't have finals and recitals he had to perform in so he was able to stay with me. Afterwards I went home and slept all day long. I took my pain meds this time but it was so much harder recovery! I couldn't use the restroom all day Tuesday and Wednesday was improved but not good. By Thursday night I was in serious pain and Kiersten had ran and jumped on my belly and sent me into crying pain. I took two vicodin but it didn't even touch the pain I was in. Adam took me to the ER where they catheterized me. That was the WORST pain in my life! I thought the nurse and I were pretty good buddies until then. I told her she wasn't allowed near me again after that haha. They ran several tests, cultures, ultrasounds, but things came back ok. After I was catheterized I could finally pee again so it relieved a LOT of the pain I was in. My kidneys were screaming in pain! So I came home and was told to rest and keep up my meds and make sure I go to my Dr next week. Also at the ER I found out that I had to do blood tests to follow my hormones down to zero with this kind of miscarriage. I didn't know that. I was down to 4K by now but I still have a little bit to go. I still haven't really processed this baby all the way. We gave the last baby a name and gender to grieve and accept it. This week and been so hectic and busy its hard to relax from everything and finalize things. All I know is that I KNOW that both my little babies are waiting for me in heaven. I talked to my Dad this week and he told me that my little babies were so righteous in the preexistence that they didn't need to come down to Earth to be tested. They had already earned their spots in the celestial kingdom. I like looking at it from that prospective and it gave me some comfort and peace. Well, I don't really know how to end this post. I keep this blog as my journal and I was dying to let something out of me and to write it down. I am sorry if my posts are graphic or TMI on bodily functions. Anyways. I have a testimony in my Savior. I know he is with me and guides me in life. I am so grateful for the gospel and an eternal perspective on things. I am SO grateful for blessings and probably get more than my fair share of them.

Lemons.

When life gives you GIGANTIC lemons...

You shove it into the tail pipe of Grandpa's One Ton truck. SO GLAD we found that! At least it wasn't his brand new diesel! I went into the warehouse to find a flat head screw driver to stab the lemon and pull it out because I couldn't reach far enough in to get it out. It was pretty deep in there. While Lynn (Grandpa) and I went to go find a tool Bradley took care of it himself and got it out. He reminded me of Mary Poppins when she blacked her nose out for the Chimney sweep portion.

It took a lot of scrubbing to get the soot off!

A Very Pinteresting Day!

I decided to do some kid activities that I read on Pinterest. The first one was playign with baking soda and vinegar.

They had a ton of fun! I put some baking soda in a glass pan and then gave them paper cups with dyed vinegar. Tip for next time- don't use paper cups. The bottoms get too weak. We also did paper towel roll bowling. The kids have always loved to play with bowling kits but we don't have one. I read my friend's status a while back that she needed toilet paper rolls for her primary class. I teach 4 year olds in primary so I decided I should start saving my rolls just in case I needed them. So today I saw the rolls hanging in a bag in the closet and decided to set them up like pins and give the kids bouncy balls. They loved it- especially Kiersten! And we worked on their awesome counting skills and we put the pins up each time.

My bucket list- first draft!

So I decided to finally post my bucket list. Its only 40 items long now lol. I have completed a few so I took them off. Go on an Alaskan cruise Learn sign language Travel to Australia Be a home owner See the Aurora Borealis Snorkel Visit every state Go fishing and catch a fish Adopt a pet Be a foster parent Own a painting Get a fully pampered spa day swim with dolphins Visit every temple in US (completed all in CA,NV, and DC) Do a temple with a General Authority Earn my Bachelors raise a pig Complete a triathlon Go to girls camp as a leader Eat a meal mostly from my garden Make a stained glass window Take a cooking class write a basics cook book Attend a live filming of a show Hike Half Dome Go on an RV vacation Take the kids to Monterrey Bay Aquarium Learn to play the piano fluidly Go to Disneyworld Stay in a Disney resort Shake the prophets hand hike in and camp Make cement handprints with my kids Save a life bottle feed a wild animal/ volunteer at a wildlife reserve Go river rafting Donate my hair to Locks of Love Participate in Relay for Life Milk a cow Gallop on a horse

Temple Hopping!

I went temple hopping with my friends Tara and Andrea. I had such an amazing time! This was our first stop for gas on our trip. We drove to Las Vegas on Monday and did a session Tuesday morning. This was in the top three of my favorite temples and was very special to me because my grandmother who I was very close to lived in Vegas for a very long time. Las Vegas We drove straight from there to the San Diego temple. I honestly have never liked the design of the building before. In person- Oh my goodness! It was the most amazing temple! It was so amazingly beautiful. We got a little tour after our session of the temple. They showed us the atrium, the brides room, and let us walk around for a while. We stayed the night in New Port Beach with a session there in the morning. This temple was too...orange... and muave... and pink... But the terrestial room was so beautiful! Andrea has this thing where she takes pictures of her jumping in front of every temple. She tried to teach me how to do it. It didn't go so well in Redlands as you can see a little later. That afternoon we went to the Los Angeles temple. It was HUGE! Much bigger than I thought it was! Your driving down the street and see a starbucks, chase bank, and BAM! A huge hill in the middle of town! I Read a book so I wouldn't drive Andrea crazy since it was her first time meeting me. I do like to talk a little too much haha. I finished the first two books in less than a week but I didn't like the third book at all! Our last stop on our roadtrip was to the Redlands temple. It is the smallest temple! I think they only have 6 sessions a day there with a 5 hour break in the middle of the day. Andrea tried to teach us her mad jumping skills but Tara and I just didn't get it haha. We had such an amazing time but I was so excited to get back home to my babies!! I was gone from home for 2 weeks and from my Minions for a week. I had only been gone for weekend before. I sure missed them!!

The kids first trip to the beach.

To break up our three days in the park we took the kids to Newport beach in between the 2nd and 3rd day. It was overcast so I expected it to be chilly. Once you got in the water it wasn't bad at all. Kiersten had a lot of fun at first until a wave hit her really high and she got water in her mouth. After that she went and built a sandcastle with Adam for a long time. When she goes on and on about her Disneyland rants its really funny to ask her about the beach. She says "Ooh the beach was soooo cooooold (she will even fake shiver here). I went in the water and rolled around. It tasted Icky! Then I chased birdies and said GO AWAY BIRDIES!" Bradley had a ton on fun in the water- which really surprised me! He doesn't like to swim at all but he kept dragging me further and further out into the water. He tripped a few times and tumbled with the waves but he jumped right back up and tried to go further out. This picture was perfectly timed! I love Bradley's face!

Date Night at Midieval times

In the midst of all the chaos, Adam and I had our friends who we were staying with in the area watch the kids on Wednesday so we could get a date night. We went back to the park and rode Star Tours- which has totally changed since we had been there last. Then we went to Medieval times where we had such a great time!! They really switched up the story line since the last time I was there. Afterwards we had time to go back to the park on our way back to our "home" for the week. I FINALLY rode the Space Mountain ride, which we almost couldn't do because it broke down for the second time that day.